disclaimer: contrary to my url, this is not a porn blog.

On December 2nd, 2011, I went on the 11:00 am tour of Paramount Studios.

(I was taller than the tour guide by the way, but according to my girlfriend at the time, I’m taller than everyone)

I was told at the beginning of the tour by the guy who was our guide that the Glee and American Horror Story sets were always closed to tours because they were filming all the time, but he said we could hang out outside the main Glee stage (“maybe one of them will have to go to the bathroom or something”).

We passed by one of the Glee stages and I saw inside a section of it, but I couldn’t tell what room it was that I saw. All I saw was plain, unpainted wood with stairs on the outside.

Near the end of the tour, we stopped outside Stage Fourteen, the main Glee stage (they have a TON of stages, according to him). He was telling us about stuff (I wasn’t really listening, too busy looking for PEOPLE) and then I spotted a nameless Cheerio walking, and she went into the stage door.

Now, here’s the part you’re all waiting to read about:

I saw, off in the distance, this:

If you can’t tell (I know it’s shitty quality), that is a golf cart.

I have circled Chris Colfer. God bless those legs.

In the golf cart are:

Cory, Jenna, Chris, Naya, and two other people who I don’t remember because I was freaking the fuck out.

They started driving…and they drove right past us. Chris Colfer was ten feet away from me.

They were talking, laughing, having a grand old time and here’s one amazing detail:

I heard Christopher Paul Colfer laugh and talk. Camera’s do not do this man justice. He is so beautiful and his voice is so flawless, and HD cameras don’t show half of this man’s beauty.

Cory was driving the golf cart, Jenna was next to him, and someone else was there (possibly Harry?). Chris was sitting in the back next to Naya and someone else (it MIGHT have been Dianna?)

I was sitting in the back of the go cart that the tour guide drove us around in, so as I followed them with my eyes, I came in eye contact with Chris. He smiled at me and it was beautiful.

I was in fucking shock. And then who comes along?

Kevin McHale. He’s talking on the phone and walking in the same direction as the golf cart (they were probably going to another set to film something).

Then walks past Amber and Vanessa (who plays Sugar), and they’re talking and laughing and having fun, they seem to be really good friends.

And suddenly I see HeMo being fucking adorable.

She’s carrying half a grapefruit. She was walking, and then she dropped her spoon. For about two seconds, she just stood there, staring at the ground. Then she slowly leaned down and picked it up and looked around with this little grin on her face. Like, how the fuck do you even be that adorable.

I always forget to tell people about this: Matt Morrison also walked past after HeMo. I always forget because, Matt Morrison. Who even cares?

I cried for about an hour and a half after this.

Because Christopher Paul Colfer smiled at me on December 2nd, 2011, at approximately 1:55 pm.

I will never forget.

Little tidbit of information:

This almost didn’t happen to me. I was originally scheduled to go to the 10:00am tour, but as my dad and I were driving, the traffic was awful, so we called and rescheduled.

If the traffic hadn’t been shitty, I would’ve gone to the 10:00am tour. Meaning that I wouldn’t have still been at Paramount Studios at two. Meaning I would’ve never seen Chris.

LA TRAFFIC, I BOW TO YOU.